Back Page: Mario Kart World’s Roster Is Full Of Deep Cuts, So Where Are These Guys?

In the publishing industry, the Back Page is where you can discover all the peculiar quirks that we couldn’t place elsewhere. Some might label it as “filler”; we prefer to consider it “a complete page to deliver cheesy jokes that are somewhat related to the content of the magazine”. We don’t have pages in the digital realm, but our affection for awful puns remains strong — so welcome to our semi-regular segment, Back Page.

Today, Jim’s pondering the fellows who missed their chance in Mario Kart World…

Do you recall back at E3 2018 when Smash Ultimate boldly claimed, “everyone is here”? Well, I’ve calculated the figures since then, and a few things don’t quite match up. For instance, do you spot Peepa in Ultimate? What about Coin Coffer? Does Cataquack ring any bells?!

Those names I just referenced? They aren’t fabricated! They are legitimate Mario characters, and they’re all playable in Mario Kart World. I mean, how can you assert “everyone is here” with sincerity if you don’t even include Cow in the lineup?

World may have omitted characters like Link, the Inklings, and a few options from Animal Crossing (as far as we know), but this roster delves deep into the catalog of ‘Mario Characters You Didn’t Know Had A Quirky Name.’

While I am, of course, eager to discuss how half of these newcomers managed to get behind the wheel at all — Goomba? Fish Bone? Where are your limbs?? — let me be the first to ask, did you not see the file titled ‘Mario Characters You Didn’t Know Had A Quirky Name – Part 2‘? I appreciate the deep cuts as much as any Mario enthusiast, but why not explore even further?

No need to stress, Nintendo, your old buddy Jim has got you covered. Forget your easy picks like E. Gadds and Genos, here’s a list of 14 deep cuts I haven’t spotted in the trailers yet (not to imply they won’t appear in the final game), but they certainly merit a spot on the starting lineup. And yes, I am being completely serious…

Wart

Last seen: The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening

Come on, you can’t spell Mario Kart World without Wart (I verified). What do you mean, “Who on earth is Wart?” He’s the overstuffed frog who stirred up trouble in Super Mario Bros. 2. He’s also the singing frog found underground in Link’s Awakening.

If DK, Bowser, and King Boo have shown us anything, it’s that large characters riding small bikes equals success.

Cappy

Last seen: Super Mario Odyssey

Perhaps not the most obscure of choices, but seriously, where has Cappy vanished? Considering Odyssey’s success, you’d expect Mario’s cap companion to be darting around everywhere, yet have we seen him since? Absolutely not!

World’s current roster clearly indicates that limbs aren’t necessary to obtain a driver’s license, so it’s high time more inanimate objects joined the mix.

F.L.U.D.D

Last seen: Super Mario 3D All-Stars

What, you thought I would mention one inanimate friend and skip the other? Who says F.L.U.D.D can’t steer a vehicle? There aren’t any cars in Super Mario Sunshine, so there’s no proof. Exactly.

Tatanga

Last seen: Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins

You mean to tell me that Dolphin made it, but the adorable alien in a spaceship from Super Mario Land and 6 Golden Coins didn’t? What’s wrong with this world?

Culex

Last seen: Super Mario RPG

You know what the Mario Kart World lineup truly lacks? Some suave interdimensional beings that got sprinkled with a touch of Final Fantasy style during the design phase. Culex fits that description quite well.

Look, the Super Mario RPG Switch remake gave this formidable foe a 3D upgrade, and no one should work on their physique for that long without being given a platform to show it off.

Burt

Last seen: Yoshi’s Crafted World

Sure, Poochy might seem like the obvious choice, but that cut isn’t deep enough! I want to witness Burt steering a kart. With a robust lineup of Mario villains represented in World, it’s only right that some Yoshi antagonists also show up.

By the way, why can’t we get Yoshi’s Woolly design in Mario Kart???

Fawful

Last seen: Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story + Bowser Jr.’s Journey

Come on, who doesn’t adore Fawful?

I don’t have much else to add, but you cannot convince me that Fawful wouldn’t look stunning behind the wheel of a kart. Those huge white teeth, the possibility of a flowing cloak in the wind, the vivid green skin; talk about pushing the Switch 2’s graphics to their limits.

Bully

Last seen: Super Mario 3D World + Bowser’s Fury

We have just about every other little

Why is this dude absent? Is it due to his intense anger? Is his road rage excessive? We need clarification!

At the very least, let’s get him into Battle Mode so we can collide with him again and again.

Maw-Ray

Last observed: The Super Mario Bros. Movie

Seriously, Nintendo? You’re including nearly every aquatic foe in this kart (even the deceased), yet Maw-Ray remains on the bench? Especially since he appears in almost every underwater course in Mario Kart Tour and has shown up in several others throughout the franchise?

Come on, Maw-Ray enthusiasts, I need you to be more vocal regarding this unfairness.

Question Block

Last spotted: Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

Alright, let’s address some key players. Where on earth is the Question Block? This icon has appeared in nearly every Mario game thus far, yet he’s still not permitted to race?

My hypothesis is that he’s too skilled a driver, and his presence would disrupt the series’ signature fairness. That must be why he’s still excluded.

Warp Pipe

Last observed: Super Mario Party Jamboree

While we’re discussing racers who’ve patiently waited, let’s give a shout-out to Warp Pipe. And spare me the “it’s just an object, how can it possibly drive?” arguments—have you seen the images of Fish Bone behind the wheel? It’s literally a fish bone!

Standard Kart

Last seen: Mario Kart Tour

No, I’m not out of ideas; you’re running out of suggestions!

Chris Pratt

Last seen: Uhh… did anyone actually catch The Electric State?

This is the roster addition we truly deserve. Collect some Dash Food to unlock various Pratt-inspired costumes like Star Lord, Owen Grady, The Lego Movie‘s Emmet, and a few other characters I definitely had to look up.

T-Rex

Last spotted: Super Mario Odyssey

Alright, the short arms got a chuckle out of me. I’m only human.

That’s it! There are absolutely every remaining Mario character that could potentially be incorporated into MKW. Yep, none are missing at all. Feel free to let me know which of the aforementioned characters you’d most like to see added in the following poll, and if there’s a character I’ve overlooked (a slim chance, if you ask me), be sure to leave your pick in the comments.